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How do I Convince My Father That I'm Capable of Running Our Business?

Full Question:

Is there any way to convince my father that I'm as capable as my brother Is of running our business? I'm in my late 30s, married, and I've been working with my father and younger brother in our family's mortgage brokerage firm for about 15 years. We all get along, and Dad has given us senior levels of responsibility and authority.We're now discussing opening a second office and also reorganising the firm in preparation for Dad's retirement. But suddenly my father is talking like, "Of course, your brother will be the next Chairman. I just don't trust your ability to run everything."How could he say that? Last year I produced twice as many deals as my brother did. Can you straighten my father out? I'm too hurt and angry even to talk to him.
Answer - Harry says:
The issue you raise is common to many ‘‘next generation’ of leaders of family businesses.
As with most things in life it’s easy to expect others to make the running and change to their ways to suit us. Personally, I find it hard enough to change myself, let alone others. So let’s start with a really tough option and see what you could do to move the situation forward.
A starting point could lie in the simple words 'Let’s Meet, Let’s Talk' (a highly successful FBA workshop). I’d suggest that you encourage a meaningful conversation with your father, preferably a discussion held away from the business.
But don’t do that until you have given some thought to questions such as –• What do you think you might have done to result in his perception of you? It might take some probing to get to the core issues. Perhaps you could speak to others who might give you impartial, honest feedback. When you meet with your father ask him the same question - and try to avoid being defensive.• It sounds as if you have the skills to do the work of the business, but that’s not necessarily what it takes to manage & lead the business. What could you do to demonstrate that you can? Do you have a clear vision of where you want to take the family business? What could you do to improve your skills in this area?• Most importantly what do you need to do to regain his trust? This is a question for both you and your father.
Remember you'll be judged by your actions rather than your promises, so it might take some time.
If this all sounds too hard (and it is hard!) you might consider bringing in an arms length party to facilitate the discussions? It could be an external board member (if you have one), your accountant (if he or she is family business aware), a mentor, or a specialist family business facilitator. You will need to get your father to agree. So your first challenge is to get him to acknowledge that there is an important issue that requires attention.
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