Family Business Blog
Discussing the Undiscussable
One of my main jobs as a family business facilitator is to help my clients talk about the tough issues. I call it discussing the undiscussables. As covered in a previous blog (The Importance of Communication in a family Business), I believe good, productive communication enables families in business to work and play better together.
Communication isn’t an end in itself, but is the oil that lubricates harmonious, constructive, productive relationships.
Conversations on some issues are just difficult to start. Others are put on the backburner because they are deemed a low priority when compared to pressing business issues. However, though the issues are buried they rarely disappear spontaneously.
Why are they so difficult for families to discuss? There are as many reasons as there are family businesses, but here are some common ones –
• Poor communication practices in the family – a history of avoiding difficult conversations• Fear of opening a can of worms – if we start this conversation who knows where it will lead?• Fear of unleashing World War 3• People are too nice and don’t want to upset other family members• Families don’t have agree processes for decision making or solving inter-personal issues
A skilled family business adviser or trusted advisor can be invaluable in facilitate productive conversations.So, what are some of the ‘undiscussables’. Though the topics vary from family to family, some of the common ones are -
• Conflict and family tensions• Succession – transitioning leadership and ownership• Disaster planning – death, disability, and other catastrophes• Mental Health, Stress and Depression • Drugs, alcohol, other addictions
Let’s look at a few of them.
Family Tensions
The strength of any well-functioning family (or business) is diversity of opinions. The creative tension that comes from different views can challenge the status quo and fuel innovation. However different personalities, divergent views and entrenched positions will often give rise to tensions in the family business.
Some of the issues go back into long forgotten history. Others arise from working closely together. Differing values, perceptions of fair treatment between siblings, levels of contribution, expectations of entitlement, remuneration, future goals and direction, can all lead to tensions.
Succession
This is frequently a hot topic that is difficult for both the current leader and the next generation to address.
The incumbent is in the best position to instigate an orderly transition however it involves the fear of moving from the known to the unknown, facing ones mortality, ceasing a lifetime’s work and entrusting ‘their baby’, to others.
Often there is pressure from the next generation, however, in my experience the incumbent will only support business transition if they see genuine benefit from their perspective.
The next generation can be reluctant to initiate the discussion for a number of reasons. It could be out of respect for their parent, for fear of looking pushy and advancing their own interests ahead of siblings, concern that a sibling or outsider might be appointed or job security if the business is sold.
But it is a discussion about an inevitability. The choice is whether the family wants to have an impact on what will happen to the business in the future or leave it to chance.
Disaster Planning, Death, Disability, and other Catastrophes
Bonnie Brown is a US consultant who runs a business specialising in what she calls ‘fire drills’. She encourages families to run drills on potential catastrophic events such as a fire, product recall or the sudden death of the leader.
This may all seem rather macabre, but it is in fact a crucial risk management strategy that all businesses should undertake. (Could running a pandemic drill have prepared us better for recent events?)
Starting a conversation about what happens after the death of a family member is difficult. Death and dying are not comfortable conversations to hold in our cultures. It has been said that the two inevitabilities in life are death and taxes. Most people seem to prefer to address the later.
As difficult as it is to raise these issues, these are conversation that must be held. Failure to do so can leave behind an all mighty mess, that can undo a lifetime’s work, split families, and create havoc.
Stress, Depression and Mental Health
This is an area that requires appropriate professional support. However, the impact on all family members and the business can be significant. Building a trusting supportive relationship that encourages the family member to ask for appropriate support can be challenging for some families. Other family members will often also require support in dealing with the troubled person and again avoidance is generally not a strategy for developing long term solutions.
Drugs, alcohol, gambling, and other addictions
Though these addictions are apparent when they became serious, the challenge is how does the family confront them at an early stage? When does an innocent pastime or social activity become dangerous? The simple answer is – when it impacts on the business or other family members. The difficulty is addressing the issue in a constructive and supportive manner.
These are but a few of the many topics that families find difficult to broach. If the family can deal with these issues themselves, then they are not undiscussables. If not, an outside facilitator may be required to start appropriate conversations and clear
To be updated on the latest developments!